I don't hate my job but long term it won't earn me enough to survive on my own. I don't hate my job but it's not my natural state, I feel like I'm acting like the jolly shop keeper and that is exhausting, as confused and bez can probably understand. I'm not happy with my living arrangements. I am incredibly lucky that I can live with my parents but to be honest, I really really need my own space. Not gonna happen at the moment though. So in a nutshell, I'm really not content but have no idea what to do to make myself feel content. Answers on a postcard to me......
same here. can't afford to live in my own space, and never will. newish job is fine. its never going to set my soul afire but it is generally 100% less stressful than ye shoppe. theres never going to be a career progression in this role, should i want such a thing, but my time out from working and exploring the other possibilites i had previously considered, and then dismissed for various reasons, has me now thinking 'what now?'
at the moment i'm just pootling on, not unhappy but with no apparent endgame to achieve or strive for.
at the moment i am just throwing myself into boxsets and netflix to stave off the nilhilistic sense of 'meh'.
I think that's it - pootling on but with no endgame in sight. Thing is, I've never been someone with big ambitions in terms of a career (or anything for that matter) but my job isn't quite "go in, do your stuff, go home and forget about it" but neither is it something that gives me enough of a mental challenge to keep me all that interested all the time. My interest and enthusiasm fluctuates wildly depending on the day, my mood, what I actually have to do on that particular day at work....
It's taken me a while to realise that although I don't want to climb the ladder of promotions just for the sake of it, I would like to have that feeling that what I'm doing matters, or that I have some sense of real purpose about my role. Retail in my current place is changing in ways I don't like or feel I can support properly, and therefore I'm feeling even more uneasy.
Yes, very hard work indeed. I think I mentioned somewhere children who cry when they're tired. Sometimes I want to do that. Just sit down and cry because I'm tired and fed up and feel I just can't do it - it's all too hard!
I reckon many people have been robbed of their sense of purpose, become cannon fodder, running the rat race. It really is hard not to be gloomy about it all sometimes. It's tiring to keep the 'chin up', maybe a 10 minute cry would help to keep us going. Until the next time anyway.
I really don't know what can be done about it. Well, I do, but it ain't gonna happen. Too much vested interest elsewhere to keep it as it is.
I reckon many people have been robbed of their sense of purpose,
Your comment hits close to the bone Edgar for having long been busy doing 'stuff' and now with little to do to pass the time I find I have almost zero 'sense of purpose. I wrote the following a while back and thought I would share this bit of 'self awareness ?' with you guys and see what reaction I get!
For many years, all my life in fact, I have had the ability to envisage an electrical or mechanical problem in my head and picture solutions that will fix them. Often this may take the path of picturing multiple possible solutions and seeing in my mind what will and will not work and which one will work best taking into consideration the resources available. Such ability has stood me in good stead over the years in my employment and self employment in a particularly wide variety of hands on jobs and projects, one such employer tested me for mechanical aptitude and I obtained the highest score they had ever seen! (they however did not score so high as an employer)
There is however a downside to this innate talent the first being the inability to 'turn off' the solution search portion of my brain until a satisfactory answer is found and undertaken or documented no matter how long that takes. On a complex problem this can take hours, days or even months, even when 'fixed' I may be looking for a 'better answer' in my brain for some time, all the time still searching for that elusive off switch!
A more troubling aspect of this 'no off switch' thing is that it also runs in the background for personal, social and other 'non mechanical' problems where my ability to find solutions is considerably less developed. Such things always whirling around in ones brain can easily become very troubling and if I were inclined to mental instability there have been times where I would have be fodder for the funny farm. Fortunately I am generally able to separate the 'what if' scenarios that clutter up that thought storage from the more practical issues that need attention.
In more recent times another 'challenge' has been added to the storage vault. Having suffered a stroke a couple of years ago the access to the data has been somewhat compromised at times. Whilst I am very fortunate that within about a month I was back to 70% of my former thinking and 6 months to a year after at 95% so far as I can tell, however that 5% still hovers there giving me 'brain farts' at the most inopportune times. I use my computer to keep lists and reminders to find information that I know I know but cant retrieve however its still frustrating when I cant remember where I saved the reminder for the reminder !
Hmmmm, must be a good day as I wrote this without any wondering or wandering and only a great deal of help from my main helper when writing anything... spell check.
Now if I could but remember where I left that off switch!
I too do that 'background processing' thing kanuck. Sometimes it's incredibly useful and I can retrieve info/come up with answers without seemingly having given a problem much conscious thought. In fact, I've a come to rely on it. I don't stress out if I can't immediately find a solution to something; instead, I chill out and background the task, knowing that in all likelihood that my non-stressed noodle will come up with something. But there is a down side too.
I tend to think in terms of process. In a previous life, I designed and wrote computer programs and that way of thinking was useful - it enabled me to analyse systems and design software to suit. In 'real life', it's not so useful.
I find myself backgrounding human/life issues, the brain chuntering away trying to analyse the processes involved. But there is no result, no answer (because there is no answer) and my brain becomes caught in an endless thought loop. This is not only mentally tiring but also leads to absent-mindedness - as portions of my brain are elsewhere, chuntering away looking for 'an answer' (it's not 42 either!!). I do all of this subconsciously or naturally, I don't think I have any real control over it. And, like you kanuck, no 'off switch'!
I readily acknowledge I waste energies pondering the unanswerable but I also know that I'm never truly bored, and can entertain myself endlessly simply sat on a bench with a coffee and 'pondering'.
Ditto. I have always put the problem on the back burner until the solution comes to me. Something that working alone allows you. When I was working for an employer whos mantra was "Time is money" my work suffered. It is also remarkable how many times when leaving something until feeling fresh the next day I would wake at around 3-00am with the very answer needed. My mantra is. Never do it today if you can do it better tomorrow.